Back Door Betty
Dear Flame Dame,
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and I would like him to be my first anal experience. I have never done anal sex before and some of the horror stories I hear from my girlfriends scare me a bit. They have said that it can cause issues with control of your anus and can also cause tearing. Is this true? Is there real actual risks with anal sex? AND is it painful as they say it is?
Thank you xox
Back Door Betty
Dear Back Door Betty,
I am so so so glad you asked about anal sex, not just because you are asking me and I am an advocate for women getting anal but also because you deserve a completely open answer from someone who loves anal and also knows the pitfalls of it.
First and foremost, Anal sex can be both safe and extremely enjoyable for both women and men. While men have that big juicy prostate to stimulate, Women have the legs of the clitoris as well as internal g-spot stimulus to make it a pleasurable experience. Where the pain factor comes in is if the right steps are not taken to prep your anus for sex. The anal sphincter is a ring of muscle, which generally only becomes relaxed and comes open during a bowel movement. Even during this the body does not keep the ring open for a large amount of time. This ring of muscle can be relaxed without a bowel movement to be used for more pleasurable activities.
Be kind to your behind...Taking the time to tease and arouse the anus will allow it to relax enough that having anything inserted into it will not hurt. Using lube and a small butt plug or anal toy to warm up before sex will work as a great primer. Don't just use anything...please. Unlike the vagina, what is inserted into the anus may not easily come out due to the inward pull of the muscles and tissues within. This is what embarassing and often harmful trips to the emergency room are made of.
After warming up your ass, follow your instinct. Attempt insertion little by little. Be generous with the lube and go slow. If it hurts, stop and keep teasing. Really good anal sex is not painful. I can tell you from experience that going too quickly can result in tearing the skin around your anus and will result in a really uncomfotable couple of days to heal.
While tearing the skin of the anus itself is one of a few risks, internal anal fissures can also result. Although fissures are usually caused by rough, unprepared for anal sex. These cause a lot more trauma and can leave longer lasting effects on your system. Out of all the anal sex I have had with my lover, we have had a few instances of tears in my anus. Quite simply because we did not take the time to prep and were in too much of a hurry without enough lube. This does not mean I would give up anal for anything in the world...I mean it, it's awesome!
As far as losing control of your bowels. Studies have shown that the incidents of loss of bowel control is far more common with those who insert large objects or engage in anal fisting over an extended period of time.
Just take the steps and take your time and you will figure out exactly what your ass needs to have fun.
Here is a brief shopping list for you to prepare for your future anal adventures :)
1.) Lube (My favorite is JO H2O. You can also get awesome flavors too)
2.) Small Butt Plug (You can even get one with a vibrator )
3.) Anal Douche (for cleanup before play)
Please feel free to report back on how things go and what you think.
Big Busty Hugs
The Flame Dame